


Cigarettes

by taemnini



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 10:34:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15168824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taemnini/pseuds/taemnini
Summary: Old habits die hard, and so does sharing a cigarette.





	Cigarettes

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my tumblr and written on October the 25th in 2015. I thought I'd change the title and share a slightly updated version here instead.

The air is dry and the temperature cold in this season of the year. The bud of his cigarette and the light slipping through the curtains from inside, is the only thing illuminating the balcony, where he is currently situated. He is leaning onto the railing of the balcony, studying the cars driving on the freeway, and traffic lights changing back and forth from red, yellow and green. He puts the lit cigarette between his lips and inhales the smoke, only to put the cigarette out of sight and exhale. Although the air is chilly, it feels calming. It is quite out on the balcony, the silence only broken by the running cars in the distance, low chatter and music, coming from inside of the apartment. He feels at ease out here; it isn't hard to imagine himself living in a place like this.

The sound of the door handle being drawn in and the door being slid open, disturbs his moment of peace. He doesn't bother to turn around to look at, whom might be entering the balcony. He takes another drag from his cigarette as his gaze continues following the traffic on the road. The sound of the door closing and footsteps approaching him, catches his attention, although he has a good suggestion of whom it might be.

“I thought you quit smoking,” the all too familiar voice of Jongin says, as he walks up to Taemin and stands beside him, crossing his arms and leaning on the railing of the balcony too. Taemin breaks his gaze off the freeway and changes the position of his head to look at Jongin. He takes another drag from the cigarette and slowly exhale. Jongin is watching him, and suddenly Taemin can't seem to help himself from curving his lips into a cocky smirk.

“Yea,” he replies, not answering the question, which sounds more of a statement in the first place. Jongin takes the cigarette, and position it in the all too familiar position between his fingers, before he put it up to his lips and takes a drag himself. He exhales the toxin smoke shortly afterwards, which has Taemin shaking his head in disbelief, as his eyes wanders back to watching the road again.

“I thought you quit smoking,” he mimics as he receives the cigarette back from Jongin, his eyes now studying Jongin’s tall and lean figure. Hearing himself saying those words out loud makes him feel childish, yet he can't seem to bother with his own stupidity right now. He's had too much to drink.

“Yea,” Jongin mimics, which has them both smiling smugly. In the end, Taemin cannot hold in his quite laughter and a snort breaks the silence which has them both break out in laughter. It is dumb, two grown men standing alone on a balcony, grinning over something as stupid as broken promises made into a lousy joke. They can't help it though; it has always been like this between them. Neither does Taemin wish to change it either. After their laughter dies down and the quiet between them has lasted long enough for his own liking, Taemin breaks the silence.

“I like you,” he confess quietly before he takes another long drag. Endorphins rush through his body as the words escapes his lips and floats into the air. His heart is pounding loudly and the blood rushing through his body is sounding loud in his ears. He is anxious even though he's had it coming for a long time; he had just never known how to put his feelings into words or how to direct them to Jongin.

“I know,” the answer is soft spoken. Jongin is not even looking at him as he is saying this, instead he is looking ahead of them on the freeway. Taemin, not quite believing the words he just heard, is starring stupefied at him as he observes him. Jongin looks calm, unlike how Taemin feel inside. The complete opposite. He feels bitter, which makes Taemin snort at how absurd the situation is.

“Couldn’t you at least have acted surprised, or said something like ‘I like you too’?” he asks with his eyebrows raised, sarcasm rich in his voice, an attempt to humor the situation, but mostly himself.

This make Jongin turn his head and look at Taemin. They study each other for a while without saying anything. Somehow, after a few seconds of watching each other, they find themselves laughing again. The endorphins, bitterness and slight regret slowly evaporates from the atmosphere surrounding them. Taemin feel light weighted. It must be from the emotions and hormones running through his body like that. He wonders how Jongin feels, what might be running through his mind, his body. Silence follows afterwards. This time it lasts for a while. Jongin then shift his position and looks softly at Taemin.

“I like you too” he finally says, smiling warmly. He then leans over towards Taemin. The feel of Jongin’s breath tickling his skin fills Taemin’s head and makes him feel lightheaded, until the feel of soft lips pressing onto his own makes him go completely numb. The feel of hormones rushing through his body, and heart pumping faster, overwhelms everything. Time seems to stop for a split second. Taemin feels a smile forming on Jongin’s lips, which pressure leaves his own lips all too quickly. Jongin lets his hand run down Taemin’s arm. It feels reassuring. 

"Catch me back inside?" He smiles softly at Taemin before he let go of his arm. Taemin nods, as he wet his lips with his tongue. Jongin then turns around and walks back to the door, which he opens once again, only to go back inside this time. Taemin keeps looking straight ahead of him out into the thin air, doesn't dare to look back. The feeling of the skin between his index and middle fingers being burnt is what wakes him up from his trance. When Taemin gets back to himself, however, it is too late. He drops the cigarette out over the railing of the balcony and watches the lit bud fall four floors down before it hits the ground and breaks into smaller pieces. He takes a deep breath and with shaky fingers, he manages to grab hold of his lighter and new cigarette from his back pocket. He puts the fresh cigarette between his lips and turns on the lighter, which ignite after the third attempt. He inhales and exhale, a smile slowly spreading across his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Back in 2015 I was writing about hidden feelings and a relationship that could never be more. I didn't feel like telling the same story twice. The original piece can be found [here](http://taemnini.tumblr.com/post/131842708357/yesterday-today-was-tomorrow/)  
> 


End file.
